June 2009


I’m a LOT better than I used to be when it comes to dealing with ANGRY people.  Yet I still would rather go out of my way than to face/deal with hostile individuals.  Then again, who enjoys being around angry folks, especially those individuals who remain STUCK in angry mode most of the time?  Those people epecially wear me out!

My co-dependency recovery has taught me many important lessons about anger: my own and that of others. What I’ve learned includes:

1) I have a right to feel my anger — despite what one very brief passage in the Alcoholics Anonymous BIG BOOK says.
2) Feeling my anger is a whole lot healthier than “stuffing it down” with excess amounts of food.
3) Taking my cue from the A.A. BIG BOOK, I do believe that I have a CHOICE when it comes to what I do with my anger:  I can choose to hold onto my anger until it becomes a full-blown resentment (which is NOT  healthy, since resentment is believed to be the number one cause for relapse into active addiction) OR (the better choice, IMHO) I can pray and work the 12 Steps to release the anger I feel.  It may take a LOT of praying and Step work, but that sure beats a return to active addiction.
4) Myself and others can express our anger withOUT acting out with verbal rage and physical aggression.
5) NObody has to tolerate being screamed at or being physically abused or being threatened with physical abuse.
6) Allowing myself to be repeatedly abused is NOT sane and surely is NOT a sign that I’m some sort of spiritual giant because I keep going back for more.
7) Real Christians DO get angry. What was that New Testament passage about Jesus throwing the merchants out of the Temple?

One suggestion that I thought was both funny and clever in terms of “working through” anger can from a speaker at a 12 Step event I attended many years ago.  In response to anger caused by an abusive co-worker, the offended party took a piece of masking tape on which she wrote the name of the person she felt anger toward and then stuck the tape with the name written on it to the BOTTOM OF HER SHOE AND THEN…SHE TOOK A WALK!!!  😀

One word of caution: Just remember that it is probably NOT a good idea (before or after you go on your “anger walk”) to sit down next the person you are angry at and CROSS YOUR LEGS so they can see their name on the tape stuck to the bottom of  your shoe!  😀

Do you have any creative ways to deal with anger…ways that help you (eventually) RELEASE your anger?  Feel free to post them in the COMMENTS section!

Advertisements

As an addict, I struggle to overcome self-centeredness in all of it’s forms. One area where my self-centeredness manifests itself is in the area of fear. Two of my biggest fears are that others will  reject me and will shame me in a toxic manner by unloading mountains of harsh criticism on me.

Because of these fear issues — and for other possibly good reasons — I’ve avoided posting to OveractiveFork specific details about my food intake and exercise effort.  I’m not ashamed of what I eat and how much I exercise most days, but I fear that those addicts who demonize carbohydrates and exercise bulimics for whom NO amount of exercise is ever “good enough” would surely overwhelm me with criticism if they only knew what I was eating and much (or how little — depending on one’s perspective) that I exercise. So I ask: Why put myself through the potential of being sent abusive e-mail messages from fellow addicts who 1) are NOT my sponsor and 2) are NOT any sort of health care professional? Answer: I don’t need to put myself through such harsh judgementalness that the posting of food intake and exercise data would surely generate.

The other reason I wont post such personal information on OveractiveFork is because I would never want the specifics of my food and exercise plans to be followed by the readers of this blog.  I’m NOT a dietician or exercise physiologist so I would hope that I NEVER prescribe food or exercise plans for fellow addicts.  And I would not want any addict reading my blog to follow my plans becuase they were too lazy, fearful or arrogant to seek out the advice on such matters that I believe should ONLY come from a health care professional.

I do write down what I eat and how much I exercise on a regular basis.  But that information will be shared ONLY with professionals who are in a position to offer me sound advice and appropriate feedback when such information is shared with them.  I may also choose to share this information privately with fellow addicts, but NOT in order to obtain feedback and/or advice that should only come from a professional.

All of my previous blog entries that have discussed my experience with following Weight Watchers POINTS food plan have included only very positive of comments about this moderate, balanced guideline for eating.  But now I’m gonna’ spill the beans about a very real problem with this food plan: It is NOT optimized (in terms of the number of Target POINTS it allows each day) for person who weigh much more 340 pounds.  For those of us who weigh over 400 pounds, the upper limit of 44 Target POINTS/day just isn’t enough!

In fact, at that amount I’ve recently re-gained some weight.  When, following my dietician’s directions (she is also a certified dibetes educator), I added MORE points AND my weight LOSS resumed!  Yes: the less food I ate, the more weight I gained AND the more food that I ate the more weight I’ve lost.  I’m sure this sounds nuts to many of you, but it is TOTALLY TRUE and I have the documentation to prove it.

I don’t know about any other addict for whom their drug-of-choice is food, but to not just up my hands and walk away from Weight Watchers, while following their food plan AND re-gaining weight, took a lot of God’s grace along with maximum effort on my part!  Have you ever noticed that weight gain/re-gain is the PERFECT EXCUSE to overeat?  Duh.  But what does that accomplish?  Only MORE weight gain/re-gain!  I also don’t think I’m being unreasonable for Weight Watchers to have offer a food plan that IS optimized for somone MY size.  After all, they take MY money (and plenty of it, IMHO), so they SHOULD give me my money’s worth by offering a food plan that is totally healthy and apporiate for someone my size.

The botom line:   If you are following a food plan that is not optimized for someone your size it will slow down your metabolism and undermine your body’s ability to lose weight.  Before throwing in the towel and resuming insane overeating, I strongly suggest that you consult a dietician to make sure you are eating enough food each day so you can lose weight (and lose weight safely).

In my humble opinion, it’s past time for Weight Watchers big shots (e.g., management) need to pull their heads out of their butts and re-write the Weight Watchers POINTS food plan formula so it can be easily fine-tuned for persons in ALL sizes…not just the not-too-fat crowd that it seems the company is obsessed with marketing itself to.  Shoot, I’ve probably SPILLED more food than many W.W. members have overate!

Then again, W.W. is no worse than most of the “diet industry” that targets WOmen who probably need to lose to no more than 20 – 25 pounds.  What might work for them probably will NOT work for us morbidly obese, middle-age MALES.

At least I have a dietician/diebetes educator who is on-the-ball enough to know what changes needed to be made to my food plan.  And thankfully she did NOT advise me to eat less in order to lose weight.  😀